Ressources for Partners
Below you will find several resources, which are available for women and their children. Some resources will provide her with information regarding the legal, economic and personal aspects of the problem, while others will be able to provide her with personal support and assistance in order to ensure her security and that of her children.
S.O.S. VIOLENCE CONJUGALE:
Montreal : 514 873-9010
Elsewhere in Quebec : 1 800 363-9010
The telephone assistance service offered by SOS Violence Conjugale for women victims of conjugal violence is accessible 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This service enables them to learn about the names and numbers of shelters, as well as to obtain any other information they may need in order to manage their situation.
POLICE: 911 URGENCE SANTÉ (Ambulance): 911
You may find your local CLSC (CSS) on the website of the Health and Social Services Agency of Montreal.
SUICIDE-ACTION MONTREAL :
Offers a 24 hour telephone emergency service for people who are in distress
Offers a telephone, information and referral service for partners
Anyone with a violent partner is likely to live in a climate of constant tension in which they may feel lost and helpless Even though the relationship and the nuclear family are important to them, their safeness and that of their children are of primary importance.
The “cycle of violence” is a concept, which describes the phases of a relationship in which violence is present. Despite the fact that this cycle varies from one relationship to another, it often begins with an accumulation of tension, which ends in a violent episode. This episode is often followed by a period in which the man feels ashamed and guilty. During this period, he tries to receive forgiveness, to excuse his behavior and to make promises because he fears he will lose his partner. Even if he perceives himself to be sincere and honest in that moment, this is usually not enough in order to eliminate episodes of violence.
Let’s be realistic...
Many months of work are necessary in order for one to curb his tendency to use violent behaviors. Even though we notice significant change in some of our clients, it generally takes more than 14 sessions (basic therapy program) in order to achieve more profound and lasting changes.
Often, a member of the couple plans to attend couple therapy in order to put an end to the violence. Although this mode of intervention may be relevant under specific conditions, the knowledge and clinical experience in this area leads us to believe that as long as violent behavior or the threat of such behavior persists, couple therapy is not only premature, but can even compromise a spouse's or children's sense of well-being and / or safety.
It is usually only after several months without the occurrence of violence that it is possible to begin to really work on what is problematic in the communication and the dynamics of the couple.
And the children?
Too often, we tend to think that children are not really affected by couples quarrels or by episodes of violence involving parents. It is often said that "they are too young to understand what is happening" or that "they were in their room when it happened."
Scientific knowledge shows more and more clearly the great permeability that children bear to the relationship climate and family atmosphere in which they are immersed. Children are very sensitive to anything that can directly or vaguely pose a threat to their physical and emotional safety. The most recent researches on the development and functioning of the brain has revealed the significant harm done to children by abuse and anything that can be perceived by them as a threat to their safety.
Many of these children are still imbued with these "relational traumas" that may highly disrupt their relationship to themselves and their future affective relationships. Moreover, among the people who have consulted us over the years, a very large proportion has reported experiences of abuse and childhood memories plagued by situations of tension, concern or fear.